We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
