I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
