I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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