Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
