I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
