The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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