Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
