last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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