Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
