Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
