your room smells of hookers.
And success
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
