I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
