i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
