I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
