I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
