Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
