She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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