Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
