He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
