Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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