genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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