Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
