YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
