I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
