i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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