guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
