Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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