You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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