When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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