she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
