Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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