I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
