Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
