so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
