i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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