Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
