You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
