We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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