Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
