College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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