Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
