remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
