Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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