I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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