WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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