My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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