I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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