You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
