He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you would pick up someone in the library
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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