Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
