You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
