She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
