i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
