I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
