So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
