Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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