I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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