I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Watching her eat just hurts me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
