I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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